Sarah Fay

I am a part of a great team on Etsy- Etsy Earth Team   ( ) and each month the members are asked to participate in a survey.The first question was to share a story whether it be personal or not relating to the themes below.

When I first read the theme for February:Justice,Peace,Women,Valentine’s Day(love and honor) I thought of my dear friend Sarah Fay.We met here in Hawaii about 15 years ago and she struck me immediately with her strong Goddess infused presence.We ended up living on the same 10 acres  way off the grid and spent most days together raising our baby boys,cooking pots of soup harvested from our gardens over my kitchen fire.We explored nature with the boys,sang songs,had community potlucks,had disagreements,made up.We did a lot of laughing together and Sarah was one of those people who could  just look at you and make you crack up til tears were streaming down your face.We became very close and even when we moved to different areas stayed in touch.We attended many sweat lodges and spiritual ceremonies together,praying for peace and unconditional love. We swam in the Pacific Ocean with the dolphins and whales.I was there for the homebirth of her daughter in 1998 where she once again showed the amazing warrior Goddess that she was.She and the father of her kids parted ways,and life took Sarah and I in different directions.We saw each other less and less .She eventually got together with a much younger guy and when I did see her,I expressed my concerns about him but she was smitten.I tried a few times over the next year to make plans but something would always come up with her.I was hearing rumours that she was in an abusive relationship but at this point she had moved and I had no way of contacting her aside from leaving messages at her job,which I did.The last time I saw her was at the ocean.I was there with my daughter when she walked up.We sat and talked a bit but she did not want to talk about ‘him’.She said he was in anger management counseling and though they were split up then she wanted to get back with him.She never told me she was being abused but implied it pretty strongly.That was the last time I saw her alive.

In 2005 on Thanksgiving night and into the next day,she was beaten  to death.She was 7 months pregnant with his child. Miraculously some neighbors found her and performed crp until medics arrived but she was brain dead already.They kept her on life support for 2 weeks to allow her baby to develop a little more .The day after Thanksgiving I had been getting ready to bring my kids down to the ocean to meet up with a friend when my phone rang.An old friend Deanna was on the line and she said she had some bad news for me….that Sarah had been killed.I was really confused for a minute because Deanna’s oldest daughter is named Sarah but Deanna clarified and told me what she knew.It was so confusing …she was killed but still alive.We had just began weaning my daughter who was over two on Thanksgiving night and I was so distraught and heartbroken all I wanted to  do was curl up with my baby girl and nurse her but she was already over the kids in the car in a numb confused state and went to meet our friend.As I drove down the hill I saw a humpback whale breach which was very early in the season to see one,and I knew it was Sarah’s spirit communicating to me ,giving me a little moment of peace.

Our mutual friend who had been her midwife for her daughter’s birth was staying at the hospital in Oahu(we have to fly to Oahu for serious medical stuff)with Sarah and she paid for my daughter and I to fly over and say our goodbyes.I wish all women who are in abusive relationships could have seen the way Sarah, normally so bright and beautiful and shining,looked.I just could not even wrap my head around it…this was not her.I held her hand and talked to her baby in her belly and my daughter kept shushing me saying “shh!She’s sleeping!”As fate would have it,a visiting Tibetan Rinpoche heard of her story on the news and got in touch with the family to see if he could perform a ceremony to help her in her passing and the ease the babies passage into life.I drove with my friend to pick him and his interpreter up and he asked a lot of questions on the ride to the hospital via the interpreter .He could not understand this kind of violence.He explained in all his life in Tibet he had never heard of a spouse killing a spouse. The ceremony at the hospital was surreal and amazing.Sarah’s mother(who was undergoing treatment for Cancer)brother,sister in law,Aia(our friend)my 2 year old daughter and myself were there and it was just so perfect for Sarah who was such a spiritual person.

The doctors performed a c-section on Dec 12 th and the baby though needing to stay in ICU for some time,is perfect(and now 5 years old being raised by her family). Her organs were harvested for donation  giving three people the gift of life and then she was gone.

The man who did this to her had not gone to trial all these five long years.He was serving out a 5 year assault conviction but for one reason or another the trial for the murder of Sarah Fay kept  getting put off.Sarah’s poor Mother did not survive her battle with cancer and never saw justice served.Finally  just this week(January  24)the trial has begun. Please pray that justice is served and her family and many loved ones may find some sense of closure.I want to share this story in hopes that if  anyone out there is being abused they will read this or hear about it and realize they cannot stay another minute longer with someone who could ever hurt them.You can’t change them and if you try and wait til they do you very well could end up like Sarah.She was 34 years old and left behind three children,one of whom she never met.If you know someone who is being abused,tell them about Sarah.


5 responses to “Sarah Fay

  1. beautiful tribute Stardove! hugs to you as you go through this horrible stuff again…

  2. sweet stardove. what a beautiful remembrance and such an important message. the humpback whale’s message to you gives me chills to think about.

  3. stardove, reading this is powerful and makes my heart weep. how special to hear about your times on hawaii with sarah~ what a blessing to have such memories. love to you both…i have been feeling her calling me lately…

  4. I just found this blog, 8 months after you wrote it, but it is so nice,especially since the scumbag who killed her was just sentenced this past Friday (Aug.5). I am Sarah’s aunt (her mom’s sister), who was also there when the Tibetan monk performed his ceremony, which was one of the most enlightening and moving experiences of my life. Thank you again for your nice words.

  5. Aloha Mary Jane~Wow,I don’t remember you being there but am not surprised as I was so distraught I felt like I was in a bad dream.I am so sorry for your loss.I was there for the whole trial and attended the sentencing on Friday as well.Stacey,Mike,Carrie,Larry,Bella and several of Sarah’s friends journeyed up to Ninole yesterday where Adahy was born and released the remaining ashes into the waterfall along with beautiful flowers and loving words.I am relieved that he was sentenced to life and though we will never get over the loss of such a beautiful spirit hopefully there is some comfort and peace in knowing he will not be able to harm anyone else.Much love.

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